Technophobic is Not a Four Letter Word...

By now most of you regular readers will know that I am a bit of a technophobe. TwiKiwi posts my blog entries and pretties them up for me, she also - when I was writing regularly - acted as my ever faithful Fic Bitch and posted my chapters on FFn for me. She has been unsuccessfully trying to drag me into Twitter for the longest time. [TwiKiwi50 note: It's been like pulling teeth.]

It's not like I am a complete technophobe - but I do have an irrational fear of hitting the wrong button,　fucking it all up and never being able to fix it. I think it stems from my university days when I had a laptop that was around with the dinosaurs. I'm not a fast typist but I could type a sentence, look up at the screen and the letters would still be coming up on the screen long after I had finished typing...

I also had a few instances of unexplained power outage when the cord moved a little, I tapped the mouse wrong or a snail sneezed in Peru. Come to think of it, TwiKiwi would sort out my technical problems then too... she would also pretty-up my essays and make sure the referencing had the commas in the right places as well as printing them out for me, shit I was lucky to have her for a friend! [Aww shucks. I can't help it if my CDO wouldn't allow me to let it pass by.]

Maybe, the other reason could be that in the infancy of my computing (I went to a small school and computers were not that accessible) I switched from an Apple to a PC. The short cuts were different, and many a time an Apple shortcut fucked up something bad on a PC. But really, when it comes down to it - these are all just excuses.
　
The thought did cross my mind the other day that maybe I am just turning into my mother...

My mother is a fantastic lady and I love her to bits but she has trouble turning their TV on. Granted, it has about 6 remotes and you need a Masters degree to work out the amp, but they have had it for 5 years and she still has to call Dad to do it!



She also can't text, work her mobile (other than the 5 preset speed dials) or do anything on the computer other than forward terrible joke emails. I am not that bad, but I can see if I don't do something about it quick I might head down that slippery slope!
　
So, I have decided to join Twitter. Finally. I'm catching up!

*audible gasps heard from bystanders*

Here's the thing. Some bitch already has "SparklyJul" and she has the gall to only have tweeted once! So please, hlep me come up with a Twitter name. At the risk of channelling my mother, I don't know what all the @'s mean, how to look at only the people I want or what half the abbreviations mean but I am going to try to learn.　

What I need from you is an assurance that you will break my twitter hymen the way it should be done, slowly, gently and with the respect it deserves.

 

[Note from TwiKiwi50: HOORAY!! Now I can stop being your Twitter secretary! I vote for @SparklyJulNZ - keep the kiwi flavour. Thoughts?]

Book Review: The Memory Keeper's Daughter

A book review? I hear you ask.... Yes. A book review. Hey, I don't read many these days. Hmm...wonder why not.

I have always been an avid reader, and it's only been in the last year that my paperback consumption has decreased sharply due to p0rn other reading materials.

However, when spending one's Easter long weekend with extended family, it's not exactly socially acceptable (around here anyway) to be glued to one's laptop or iPhone constantly. So, I read a book this weekend.

This was not just any book. This book consumed me. Since the Twilight Saga, I have read the Hunger Games and Water for Elephants. That's about it. And this book is as all-consuming as they were:

"This stunning novel begins on a winter night in 1964, when a blizzard forces Dr. David Henry to deliver his own twins. His son, born first, is perfectly healthy, but the doctor immediately recognizes that his daughter has Down syndrome. For motives he tells himself are good, he makes a split-second decision that will haunt all their lives forever. He asks his nurse, Caroline, to take the baby away to an institution. Instead, she disappears into another city to raise the child as her own. Compulsively readable and deeply moving, The Memory Keeper's Daughter is a brilliantly crafted story of parallel lives, familial secrets, and the redemptive power of love."

source

I highly recommend this book. It will make you smile, gasp, cry - and in parts, put your fingers over your eyes and read through the cracks. It is beautifully written and cryptic. I have been talking about it (and been buried in it so much) that I have had two other people write down it's details and promise to read it also this weekend.

If you're looking for something to read, to come down off your WFE high, go for it. You won't regret it.

I hope you all had a lovely Easter long weekend. Or just a lovely weekend, depending on where you are :-)

Fun with Robp0rn

Question: What would you do if you were stranded in an airport lounge for several hours during work hours on a rainy Monday?

Answer: Check emails? - nah. Finish report? - nah. Review Twitter feed of all the WFE premiere excitment? Yes! Write a blogpost for TwiKiwi? Yes!

That's right, blogging on the clock. Well, at least until my laptop battery gives up. Which could be soon.

Anyhoo, I digress. I know there's a worldwide Robgasm going on right now with Premiereward rocking that red carpet, and I'll indulge you this one pic. But you have to promise that you'll humour me and read on, when you're done drooling, mkay?

This weekend, my parents came to visit. This doesn't happen often, but when it does, Dad gets his DIY on and does a few odd jobs for me around the house. This time, I asked him to hang up my new, very large, stainless steel magnetic notebook noticeboard. To put it in context, this thing is essentially a benchtop. It's fucking heavy, and was a hell of a mission to get up on the wall.

But now that it is, it's COVERED in Robp0rn, largely cards courtesy of @renabug1, @twi_lin and @sloppy_scnds. (I'm still getting around to printing my birthday ones from other twifriends). I also found my old 'Magnetic Poetry'. Not sure if you've heard of this before, basically it's individual words or phrases that you can mix and match. Mine is the 'movie quotes' edition. Some quotes I like in their original form, some I like to mix up...

What do you think? Feel free to suggest other movie quotes I coulda used in the comments!

There was only one person who wasn't best pleased about being the only Edward in my bedroom. Guess who.

Me: 'Hey Kiwi-Ed, why you stroking Edward's face?'
Kiwi-Ed: 'I am not stroking him. I'm punching him. Pretentious arsehole"
Me: 'You punch funny. Don't you speak about him like that! To punish you, I'm posting this pic on the blog so all my friends can laugh about your homosexual tendancies. You've been asking for this ever since you presented yourself in that pink ribbon last year. Haha"
Kiwi-Ed: [flips me the bird and takes himself off to the naughty step]. O_o.

Communing with Nature

Summer is pretty much over here in New Zealand. However, today was an exception - and we took advantage of it!

I took a ferry out to Motuihe Island in the gulf off the coast of Auckland (you can Google it) with my parents and a bunch of family friends. I've been out there once before, and jumped at the chance to go back. The island used to be a training ground in WWII and has also been a POW camp, a quarantine centre etc.

Now, there is a project going to replant the island with vegetation to enable a new population of native birds to live there safely. The island is pest-free and is becoming a sanctuary for rare and endangered birds, including our national icon:

Little spotted kiwi

It came up on twitter this week that quite a few people aren't aware that New Zealanders being known as 'kiwis' has nothing to do with the small furry fruit, but actually is because of the small, endangered, nocturnal, flightless birds. @vampthenewblack and I are campaigning to teach you all more, so you can stop picturing us as brown and green furry, slightly tart fruit...

These are called kiwifruit here in NZ. NOT kiwi!

There were 30 little spotted kiwi released onto Motuihe Island over the last few years and they're breeding, which is fantastic. I've never seen one in person, but I would absolutely love the opportunity one day.

Motuihe Island

So, our job today was tree planting. I don't have pics of the actual planting (I was a little busy) but suffice it to say it was hard work but very rewarding. Until I hit my head on a low lying branch. It still hurts, and I have a mark on my forehead ala Harry Potter. Not quite as cool though.

I took lots of pics today to show off share the beauty of the island with you. This is very typical of New Zealand bush (let me clarify, you call it a forest or woods, we call it the bush. Snigger all you like) all over the country. Tourism New Zealand should be paying me for this, sheesh!

Wish the water was warm enough to swim!

Nice canopy for the birds



Cliffside vegetation and Pohutukawa tree

Looking towards the city

Lunch in the nursery sheds

Seedlings ready for planting



Waiting for the ferry home

So, that was my Sunday! How was your weekend?

Hey Jackson, I'm Coming! (twss)

That's right ladies...

I'M GOING TO SEE

100 MONKEYS IN CONCERT!

...you're just happy to see me, right?

Tour dates for the US summer were announced today and I'm going to see the Monkeys live at ChopSuey in Seattle on August 18th. I've been asking @jaymes805 to have a word with Jackson for a while now and arrange for him to meet up with me... and she pulled through!

So far, I'm going with @Twi_lin and @red_bella. SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW!

Right, back to scouring iTunes to supplement my 100 Monkeys collection... over and out x

Happy 21st... Kiwi Style

So apparently yesterday was Kristen Stewart's 21st birthday.

I hear on the wires tonight that she may or may not have been caught smoking pot outside the BD wrap party. Well I should bloody well hope so. The girl is turning 21, FFS!

This brings me on to 21sts in general. Now, I'm not sure about where you are, but 21sts are BIG in New Zealand. I know from my time in the UK that your 18th is a bigger deal than your 21st, but here, it's all about the PARTAY at the big 2-1. I can remember mine, only just, because I was so wasted it was ten years ago - but I thought I'd give you a run down on what a young kiwi can expect on their big day.

@vampthenewblack, SparklyJul and eds_piano may chime in with their opinions, but this is what I know from my vast 21st party 'research'... albeit some time ago!  And as SparklyJul was at my 21st, she is banned from embarrasing me further in the comments...

Drinking. It's ALL about the drinking. There's a tradition, mostly for guys but I've seen some chicks take it on, of the full yardie. That's a yardglass, to you. Basically, a fuckload of beer, in a massive glass, all at once:

From what I can remember know, there are basically two rules. If you can't finish, you lose. You can stop to vomit, but you lose SERIOUS man-points. I don't think I've ever seen anyone NOT hurl. Oh, and if you vomit in the yard, you gotta keep going and down it, chunks and all. Oh god, I want to hurl just thinking about it. This is always done outside and the drinker usually needs a change of shirt.

Personally, I took the more 'ladylike' option - 21 shots. I remember quite clearly telling my friends that I was only doing 21 shots if they were of punch. "Of course..." Yeah. Well. Judging by the hangover, I was bloody suspicious and later found out they were shots of vodka with a little juice thrown in for colour. I love you guys.

My 21st was in a marquee on my parents' lawn. Because I moved out at 18 to go to university, they'd never really been witness to my friends and I drinking on a large scale (now is probably a good time to point out that the legal drinking age in New Zealand is 18). This was a BIG night.

I can remember that my BFF asked my Mum for shot glasses, and she didn't know what that meant. I can remember that we managed to destroy Dad's soundsystem thanks to dancing all night on the dusty floor of the marquee and fucking up the electronics. Oh, and to top it off, my gorgeous mother decided to wait until I was drunk before convincing me that removing my tongue piercing would be a good idea. Thanks Mum. You can't put those back in the next day. Ooh, she knew what she was doing that night.

Now that I think about it, I also recall boys inhaling what may or may not have been legal substances out the back of the tent, my young cousin being drunk for the first time ever (she was 16, and reminded me of my bad influence years later at her 21st) and some INSANE conga dancing... those were the days.

Speeches. Cripes. This is an event where family and friends combine. Your parents tell stories of your childhood that embarrass you in front of your friends, and your friends tell stories of your more recent exploits that embarrass you in front of your parents. I remember at a friend's 21st her schoolmates told her parents the true story of how she totalled her Dad's van. He had no idea. Awkward much. I don't have anything to say about my embarrassing stories, except that I was sufficiently embarrassed, from all angles.

Anyway, Happy 21st Kristen. You've come a long way, baby. Now let's hope that fuckhawt boyf of yours has helped you to celebrate in style - with something a little more exciting than a poptart.

Anyone got any embarrassing 21st stories?

Need a New Fic? You've Come to the Right Place!

As many of you know, my real life BFF, twi-partner in crime, motivator and all round awesome chick, SparklyJul... is also a fuckawesome fic author.

SparklyJul is a little too shy to join twitter modest to pimp her own fics right here on the blog. So, imma do it for her. I really really suggest you read these. They're AWESOME. As her beta, I'm aware that I'm biased, but seriously, they're rather fabulous. And the lemons... woah. Is it hot in here?

So, first up, we have Jul's completed full-length fic:


Baggage Claim
Bella and the girls are off to the Bahamas for two weeks of sun, sand and cocktails. One small mix up with her baggage... and who knows who she might meet! I think you can probably guess who... and our favourite characters have a lot of fun in the sand... and on the dancefloor... and in the suite... (A/H). Gorgeous banner from 17foreverLisa - thank you Lisa!

And, amongst being a busy mum of two, working full time, Jul has also managed to whip up a brilliant wee one-shot. It won't take you long, and you get to picture a hot, sweaty Edward. Mmmm.

Like this... kinda. Well, not really.

It's You
Who knew running in the park could be so hot? A cute story of regular exercise, clumsiness and hawtness. Throw in a brilliant Alice and some obscure music trivia and you've got a brilliant wee tale. (A/H).

So, what are you waiting for? Go check 'em out! And PLEASE, we would love you forever if you'd be so kind as to leave a review or three. I really believe these stories deserve higher review counts than they have.

I picture this everytime I think of relaxing with a good fic / book

Thank you my lovelies,
TwiKiwi50 xx

And a quick word from SparklyJul:

Aww, she is just to sweet for words! Firstly I could not have done it without TwiKiwi50. My spelling and grammar is terrible (read: non-existent) before she gets her mits on my chapters. Also because I am a big techophobe (the other reason I am not on twitter) she also pretties up my chapters AND posts them for me! What more could a girl want in a Fic Bitch??

Also a big thank you to Lisa for making me the awesome banner, and the picture thing I have on my FF page. [TK50: that's an avatar, sweetie] I only know Lisa through TK50 but she does this cool stuff for me anyway. Mwah Mwah to you Lisa!

I don't really like to pimp my fics out, I'm a little shy like that, so this is the only time I'm going to do this...

Please please please go read my stuff. I suffer a lot of review-envy when I read other fics that have reviews in the 1000's. I am like the poor cousin of the fic world. Please read my stuff, tell me your thoughts. All reviews replied to - even the ones with constructive critisism in them. Plus, put me on author alert cause I am working on a new story, who knows when I will finish it...

Laters,
Jul xx

It's Time... to Answer Your Questions!

*Caution: lengthy, wordy post ahead. You have been warned*

Yeah, so I was gonna write this post days ago. Then some pictures came out. And a video. You may or may not have seen them but I did and HOLY MOTHER OF ... these scenes better make it to the final cut. Especially Thrustward. You know what I'm talking about. And if you don't, I'm sorry. You're unlikely to see those pics anywhere around the blogosphere, but I did hear Perez Hilton still has them up. I guess he can afford to be sued by Summit. I can't.

But I digress. Last week, I asked you to ask me anything. The beauty of this blog is that it's mine and I can choose to answer or not answer anything I jolly well please. I've chosen a selection of the questions asked. I'll probably do another post at some point answering the others. Probably.

TwitardedMom: "What was your worst (or best) date ever?"
Worst date. I haven't had many but this one stands out. So, halfway through dinner, dude tells me about how he has a niece who has a maternal grandmother and a paternal grandfather who are in a relationship. I glazed over at this point - and although it wasn't quite incest (apparently they got together because their kids were in a relationship) this about sums up the awesomeness of the conversation. Needless to say we didn't see each other again. Internet dating is a minefield.

MissTeJota: "If you could only read three books for the rest of your life, what would they be?"
Holy crap that's a really hard question. I can say outright that the Twilight Saga would not be included. As much as I love the twiverse, I've read the original books four times now and I feel (at the moment) that that's enough. Too many things annoy me.

Anyway, Three books I love... ARGH! Dammit I'm gonna give you five. The Power of One, Bryce Courtenay (and the sequel Tandia); The Time Traveller's Wife, Audrey Niffenegger; The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold; Water for Elephants, Sara Gruen; The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver. All fantastic. I could go on...

ChloeCougar: "When were you in the UK and what did you do whilst there?"
I lived in London from mid-2004 until the end of 2006. I have family in Yorkshire so I got to know my younger cousins, spending loads of time with them. I worked at University College Hospital and spent as little time there as possible between drinking my weight in Pimms and Beer, making loads of friends and travelling around Europe. Spain, Netherlands, Turkey, Italy, France, Belgium, Czech Republic, Ireland - oh and two months through East and Southern Africa on my way home. AMAZING.

Bruges 2006. This sums up my time in Europe.

TwiredJen: "How often do you "take care of business." ...in a solo fashion?"
Good question. Apologies to those who find this TMI (i.e. the four people who read this who know me outside of Smutsville Twitardia). Um, I am 31 years old and single. I read fan fiction. Alot. You can work it out I'm sure. Although I still maintain the RSI issues in my right arm are keyboard related.

TwiredJen: "You are forced to choose between sleeping with: A. Michael Welch, aka Mike Newton, or B. The Twilight Science Teacher...aka Mr. Banner in the books."
Let's see. Enthusiasm versus Experience. Hard call. I'd say, with the lights off (which they would need to be in either scenario) I'm gonna go experience with Banner. I'm guessing poor old Mike would be a one-hit wonder...

TwiredJen: "You have to eat either a beetle, or a maggott, which do you choose and why?"
I choose a Huhu Grub. They are technically beetles, and are a wildlife delicacy in New Zealand. I haven't tried one (yet) but I've seen them at Wild Food Festivals etc and apparently they taste "like buttery chicken". I've eaten some pretty far-out things in my time (crocodile, kangaroo, wildebeest...) so yeah, I'll go there.

Dangrdafne: "Where all have you lived in the world?"
See question above from CougarChloe. Other than the UK, always in New Zealand. I grew up in Whakatane (Fuck-a-taa-neigh: yeah, that was funny when we were kids. 'Tane' translates as 'Man' in Maori) and although I have also lived in several other places, I now live in Auckland, NZ's largest city.

The town itself is not pretty. But the view is.

Dangrdafne: "What's your favorite song?"
I have two. Both are kinda sad, but I LOVE them. Equally.

Dire Straits - Romeo and Juliet
(The Killers have also done a fantastic version)

John Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
(this man is in my top five. JSYK.)

Jaymes805: "Name one thing that we dont know about you that you do really really well."
Well, as you know, I'm generally fuckawesome at most things. Let's see. I'm a great cross stitcher. I've made 'welcome baby' pieces for several of my friends. This is something I took up as a child, and only do very rarely now. I also love a good jigsaw puzzle. I'm clearly a 78 year old in a 31 year old's body.

Jaymes805: "Boxers or Briefs? Or boxer briefs?"
BOXER BRIEFS! Soo hawt. Or boxers, if he insists. I'm even OK with commando. But not briefs. Eww. Dads wear briefs, so no. Also, I appreciate some manscaping, while we're on the subject.



You're my third favourite Cullen brother,
but yeah I'll come to you.

 Jaymes 805: "Who is your least favorite actor and who is your least favorite actress?"
This one's easy. Actor: I cannot STAND Tom Hanks. Let me clarify... early Tom is ok. Recent Tom is not. I can't cope with Tom post-Forrest Gump.

Actress. Hmmm. I really dislike Amanda Seyfried. No specific reason, just don't like her. Also don't like Angelina Jolie much. Nothing to do with Pitt or Aniston, she's just weird. It might be her fugly lips. (please excuse the formatting of these pics, Blogger is an arsehole and I am tired).

That's about all I can cope with right now. Two hours later I have pressure sores writing this. If I went on, you'd all be in a coma. I might post the other half of my responses some other time.

Thanks for playing! I challenge you to do a Q&A session on your blogs sometime. I'll be sure to ask juicy questions. xxx