Jumat, 29 Juli 2011

It's Time!

Today is the day! Well, I suppose, tomorrow is really the day, but as today is about to turn into one really long version of yesterday....... argh! What the hell am I talking about? I don't even know!

I'M GOING TO AMERICA TODAY!


I can't believe it. I decided to do it in October. I bought the tickets and booked the leave in February. And I've been counting down for THE longest time. Until now!!

Here's the today/tomorrow/yesterday mindfuck:
Because I'm from the future, I have to go back in time to get to America. So, I leave here this afternoon (Saturday) at 5.15pm. Then I get to California on Saturday at 10.20am, twelve hours later, but before I left. Confused? I sure am!

Enough of the blah blah. I gots to get me some final prep done before I get picked up. Half-empty suitcase for shopping? check. Itinerary? check. Healthy liver, ready to be completely slaughtered? check. Kiwi-Ed? check... of course!

So that's it everybody. See you on the flipside!

Rabu, 27 Juli 2011

The Dugout: Round the Bases for Our Darling Lisa

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 17FOREVERLISA!!


Welcome to the dugout!

So, here in New Zealand we're not big baseball fans. So, I'm gonna liken the dugout to the BENCH. In rugby, our boys sit on the side of the field waiting to be subbed on or off. Of course I can't find a decent photo....

But then, that's not REALLY what we're here to talk about now, is it? Today, (and yesterday, for me, in my role as Future Girl) is our darling Lisa's birthday.

Wait... it's Lisa's birthday? I was just speaking to her last week, she never said anything!

I would not be writing this post right now if it weren't for Lisa. Lisa was one of my first twi-friends, she tweeted me waaaay back in May 2010 when I was a complete newb and had never had anyone to 'talk' to online.

Lisa has said she was drawn to me because of my then twitter handle, @I_heart_Fifty. We share a mutual love for Mr Blue Jeans, Mr Fifty Shades, Edward Cullen of Master of the Universe, and later Fifty Shades of Grey. Lisa and I squabble over who gets Fifty on a regular basis and we've been known to draw up a 'roster' to share in his affections.

Lisa is one of the kindest, most generous people I know. She has shared her talents with me on numerous occasions, helping me to set up Twitter backgrounds, avi's, a banner for SparklyJul's fic, and TwiKiwi. In September last year when I first decided I wanted a blog of my own, Lisa was the first person I turned to. She designed the banner, helped me with the name, made a button, and helped me to pimp myself out to others.

Woah, Lisa's hit one out of the park with her latest design!

Lisa, I know that by the time you read this, you will have been 'around the bases' to several other blogs, and by now will be in no doubt as to how appreciated you are for the large part you play in Twitardia. I am sure I'm not the only one who can honestly say, hand on heart, that I love you, Lisa, and I thank you so much for everything you have done for me... including telling me what 'slash' meant!

I hope you have a wonderful birthday and realise the immense love there is here for you. One day, I swear I will hug you in person. Or at least Skype with you.


Check out the other blogs participating in this tribute to Lisa:


All that remains is for me to say I'm sleeping at @TwiredJen's place on Saturday, in the same bed Lisa slept in last week. I hope Jen hasn't changed the sheets. *wink wink*

Huge thank you to kiTT for organising this tribute. Well done!

Kamis, 21 Juli 2011

Five Minutes to Heaven!

This is more of a PSA than a recipe post. If you just saw the word 'recipe' and wondered what had happened to the usual twi-babble of this blog, WAIT. Trust. Don't leave... yet.

I got forwarded this recipe at work today. Every girl's dream... A CHOCOLATE CAKE IN FIVE MINUTES!

As I type I have a mouthful. Yummyness :-)


The most dangerous chocolate cake in the world

4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
small splash vanilla essence
Baileys or similar (optional compulsory)
1 large coffee mug


Add dry ingredients and mix well.

Add egg and mix thoroughly.

Pour in milk and oil and mix well.

Add chocolate chips, vanilla, and a drop or two twenty of your favourite tipple, then mix again.


Microwave for 3 minutes on high (1000W microwave). The cake will rise over the top of the mug. Tip onto plate and enjoy!

My only regret is that there's no icecream in my house right now. Instead, I poured Baileys over it. Mmmm. Oh, and it's called the most dangerous chocolate cake in the world, because now you are never more than five minutes away from CAKE goodness...

I'm OK with the vaguely phallic resemblance. It is almost orgasmic, after all.

You're welcome!

Minggu, 17 Juli 2011

I Predict a Clusterfuck of Epic Proportions

This weekend, the lovely Bill Condon's partner tweeted pictures of the Breaking Dawn calendar.

After dousing my eyes with bleach, I got to thinking. What an appropriate time to launch into a tirade about my frustrations with the costume/hair/makeup departments on these films... there's one little word that I believe in, that apparently Scummit have no concept of: 

CONTINUITY is consistency of the characteristics of persons, plot, objects, places and events seen by the reader or viewer over some period of time. source

Let's take a look at Edward:


Twilight Edward. The original. Pale, polished, oozes sex appeal.

Cut to Breaking Dawn Edward:


Oh dear. For a start, he seems to have broken his nose in the first picture. I get that these shots are taken in a red light, but really, Scummit? I'm glad I've  seen  heard about certain leaked and pap pics that show it may not be as bad as this in the actual film.

Let's move on to the other Cullens, shall we?

Twilight Jasper - the best Jasper hair, I believe. (Although I know a certain someone who may disagree)

At this point I feel the need to remind everyone that these are VAMPIRES. Immortal beings who never age, and never change. I can't remember if it's the books or the fan fiction, but I'm fairly sure I read somewhere that their hair doesn't grow...

So how exactly can we explain this then?


Yeah, yeah. He's hot. He looks more like Jackson (especially with the jewelry). But he's NOT THE SAME as he was. Let's not go into the differences between all four Jaspers, we could be here all night.

Now, there are at least a couple of examples of Cullens who look good. Take Emmett:


Not too bad, huh? Looks like he wants to take his shirt off and arm-wrestle Bella at any second, yes?

And Rosalie:


This is the first Rosalie look I've liked. Let's not dwell on the New Moon wig or the Eclipse eyebrows. She looks pretty here.

Alice:


Firstly, THEY GOT RID OF THE CHOKER! Hurrah! It's not 1996, after all. I'm not sure I dig the shorter hair, but she'll pass.

OK, I've saved the best/worst/biggest train wreck until last.

Dr Carslile Cullen. Remember when we first fell in love with Dr McVampy? *sigh*


And now look at this monstrosity. It's such a shame, Peter Facinelli is so hot in real life!


So, we've got a square face, transvestite lips, and fuckawful hair. Not exactly Dr McHottie, right?

I'm horrified. I'm just hoping the sex scenes will blow  me  my mind so much I won't notice the hair. 

Twilight = making hot actors fugly since 2008

Agree? Disagree? Thoughts in the comments please....

Minggu, 03 Juli 2011

My 25 Things: Inspired by SnarkierThanYou

As you may have seen, SnarkierThanYou posted her "25 Things" on Twitarded last night. I was bored today, so I thought I'd play too. Here goes nothin'.


1. My middle name is Chloe. I used to hate it, but now I kinda like it.

2. I am an only child. I was a very long-awaited baby and was my mum's last opportunity. I used to whinge and moan about being an only child, but in recent years I have realised the incredible fortune I have in my family. (in a non-monetary sense!)


3. I have a paranoid fear of ice skating, roller blading, skiing... you get the picture. I'm quite Bella-ish when it comes to an inability to remain upright when I don't have total control of my limbs. A few years ago as part of a work "team building" exercise, as a surprise we were taken to an ice-skating rink. I nearly vomited. It was awesome.

4. Three years ago, I shaved my head, fundraising for the charity I work for. I raised over $3000. It was the single most liberating thing I have ever done. I did it to show solidarity for the hundreds of blood cancer patients I have worked with over the years, and was overwhelmed by the support I was shown. It kinda suited me, too!


5. After I lived in London for a couple of years I spent two months travelling through Africa on my way home. I visited Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania, Malawi, Botswana, Zambia and South Africa. During that trip, a highlight was spending an hour with wild Mountain Gorillas in Uganda. There are only 300 of them left in existence. It was incredible (but I have no good photos, sorry).

6. I live in New Zealand. I am a New Zealander. Otherwise known as a kiwi. A kiwi is a small, nocturnal, flightless, endangered bird. Those brown furry fruit you call kiwi are actually called KIWIFRUIT. Please bear in mind that me and my countrymen are not nick-named for fruit. It's all about the bird, people. Can you tell this is a sore point?


 7. I cannot drive a manual car. I mean, I learned to drive in a manual fifteen years ago, so the theory is there, but by choice? Hell no. Thank gawd there are so many automatics around these days!

8. I can't stand Tom Hanks. Recent THanks, that is. Old stuff (Philadelphia, Big, Forrest Gump) sure thing. But nothing post-2000ish. I haven't seen lots of movies, simply because he's in them.


9. I can remember, quite clearly, in my pre-Twilight time (I was L2P, didn't read books till after first movie came out) hearing the DJs on the radio discussing Robert Pattinson and how he looked like he needed a bath and that they couldn't see how millions of girls were attracted to him. I remember agreeing with them. Forgive me, for I have sinned. I promise I have since seen the light.


10. I am not a religious person. We only went to church at midnight on Christmas Eve when I was growing up, and then it was only if my Grandmother was with us.

11. I do not like blue cheese, anchovies, olives, mushrooms or fish. And probably other stuff too that I can't think of right now.

12. I like things done how I like them done, and get a little twitchy if something's not right. We've been doing Myers Briggs personality type training at work and I have discovered that I am 'typical' for my type (ISFJ, if you're playing at home). I find this all rather fascinating. It also explains why I am such a planner and a list person.

13. I feel like I've told you some of this stuff before. Oh, that's right, I have. Check out my Ask Me Anything post.

14.  I like to iron pillowcases. It's just nicer.

15. I prefer white wine to red, however am expanding my tastes. When it comes to white though, absolutely Sauvignon Blanc all the way, do not come near me with a Chardonnay. NZ Sauv is pretty bloody nice, and Cloudy Bay is about as good as it gets. (27 days, Jen!)


16. Holy crap it's hard to come up with 25! And that's saying something, cos I am NOT one to stop talking, or to run out of things to say.

17. I have been to a lot of concerts. One of my all time highlights was the Foo Fighters, in Hyde Park, London. Brian May from Queen was a guest on one song. Watching Dave Grohl and Brian May jamming = priceless.


18. I once bumped into Claudia Schiffer. Like, actually bumped into her. Nearly knocked her over. In the food hall at Harrods in London (natch). It was totally amazing and completely embarrasing all at the same time.

19. I am both a dog and a cat person. We always had once of each when I was growing up and even though I moved out of home when I was 18, I still consider my parents' pets to be my own. The first cat I owned, when I was five, was named Cinderella Rockafella Arabella. Cindy, for short. May she rest in peace.

20. I have known what my son's name will be since I was in my teens. He will be named after a family friend who died when I was a child. Now, to work on making this a reality...

21. I have owned a house since I was 28 years old. When I bought it, I didn't appreciate the enormity of how much this has helped me find my place in the world. Literally, and figuratively. Sure, mortgages suck, but paying your own sure is better than paying someone else's.


22. I hate candles. OK, I don't HATE them, I just don't see the point. I'm cynical. I roll my eyes when someone gives me one as a gift. The only useful candles are the citronella ones that keep the mozzies away in summer.

23. I kinda like gardening. I like pots that don't get too many weeds, and I like growing things I can eat. Flowers, not so much. I was not a gardener AT ALL until I inherted one with aforementioned house.

24. I am extremely gullible. I know this. Usually I can see when a trap is approaching. Turns out, not always. LivingwEdward just revealed to me today that the story she told me a month ago about Bruce Springsteen being her childhood babysitter was a lie. Damn it.

25. I have a mini-Edward. His name is Kiwi-Ed. He likes travelling and can't wait to meet his American friends. He uses me as a scribe because he can't type very well for himself, and he can't understand why I won't help him set up a twitter account. He's also kinda vain, as is evidenced here.



So, what don't we know about you?

STY encouraged readers of her post to either leave comments or to post something on their own blog and leave a link in the comments...

So, same here! Tell me more about you, beautiful!

Jumat, 01 Juli 2011

In Case of Emergency, Break Glass: Robp0rn Fiesta!

Happy Friday laideees!

As many of you know, life hasn't exactly been a bunch of roses around here lately. Once again I have been reminded of how amazing this community is and how much I rely on the love, snark, wit and hilarity of you all on a daily basis.

Another thing I rely on - and have been somewhat slack in my following thereof - eye candy. Robp0rn. Rathgasms, Facinelli-fascinations.... you get it.

So I don't know about you, but I needs me a little pick me up. A random collection, old and new, stolen from all over the place. Pour yourselves a drink... and... GO!

source

source


 Focused Robkowski
Nothin like a Cannes smile

Mr Packinson has been working out

Beanie + guitar = spontaneous ovarian combustion


Smiles for Graham Norton

When is Cosmopolis released?


Beautiful edit!
Jawp0rn

He can put those fingers in my mouth anytime

My favourite pap pic of all time

Reminds me of Tattward

Of course it's not ALL about Mr Pattinson:

Dr Cullen, Optometrist

Jackson, you've been a dirty, dirty boy

MelbieToast's amazing edits all come from here.

Lots of these pics were stolen from Robzsinger. Cos she's generous like that.

Ahh. I feel better already. Have a lovely weekend everyone. Oh, and America - see you in twenty-nine days :)