Urban Dictionary LOVES Twilight Fans

Hello luvvers!

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas. Before I get into this post, may I say that Christmas in the summer sun here was wonderful, made all the better by all the lovely twitter messages from my twifriends with festive wishes.

Random abstract xmas ornament on the windowsill

I was going to write a post about my summer holidays, but I couldn't be bothered. I got distracted. And no, not by the lovely pressies that were under the tree for me... but by the random time-suck vortex that is UrbanDictionary.com. You see, ever since I have owned an iPad, it's amazing how I can spend hours just mucking around on the internet... for no apparent reason and for no apparent gain.

 So, if you're back at work, or still on holiday and have plenty of time on your hands, sit back and check out a few of the highlights I found... oh, and my two cents worth about each. I now present to you some of the funniest (and, quite frankly, a little close to home) Twilight-related posts from UD:

Twilight Saga

Afreakishly addicting book (stolen from a fan fic site) written by a strangemiddle aged woman who created this character named Edward who sparkles in thesun light, instead of bursting into flame like normal vampires. Then there’shis (stupid and pathetically clumsy) girlfriend, Bella (who's a whore) whofalls in love with her BFF Jake then rejects him because he's not like Edward.And he's a werewolf so Edward hates him. Then she gets knocked up by Edward andthey make a baby (that wants to kill her). After having Renesmee (a name thatwas created using a mormon thing where the names of both grandparents arecombined) Bella dies and becomes a vampy. Then come to find out Jacob fallsmadly in love with Renesmee (which makes him a baby fucking paedophile) andBella gets pissed. To makes a long, 4 book, story short, the Cullens have this big war that neverhappens against the (old wrinkly leader people) Volturi and they all end uploving (the evil little Mormon critter) and everyone lives happily ever after(forever and ever and ever).

My favourite thing about this little synopsis is "stolen from a fan fic site"... 

 Twitard

One who takes fandom of Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer, to a level of orbeyond obsession. They often flame forum postings trying to defend the book,regardless whether the book was being critiqued negatively or not. They arealso prone to using all caps, not checking their spelling/grammar, jumping toconclusions, falling in love with Edward, and biting people's heads of for justsaying they didn't like the book.

Harsh... but in some cases possibly fair? I would like to defend my corner of the fandom about spelling and grammar... especially given how heavily I had to spellcheck the above paragraph after pulling it from the site! Touche... 

TwilightMom

A groupof 40 something pre-menopausal women who have been neglecting their children,spouses, jobs, and various pets since 2008 to post their ramblings about adazzling 107 year old vampire who who is stuck in an eternal hell of highschool and the clumsy, idiotic girl who loves him. 

The reason I wanted to include this is that I think this definition also covers those of us without children or spouses... or guilt. Hell yeah I neglect RL to post ramblings (such as the one you are currently reading) and hell no I don't feel bad about it. 

 TwilightBuzzkill

A harshslap in the face to bring a person back to reality, to get out of Twi-Land.Usually a person has to tell the Twihard to get a life, and thatusually does the trick. 

Twihard: I wish I was a vampire! Golly!
Twibuzzkiller: Are you kidding? There are so many things wrong with the book! Imean, first off, If the Cullens are so keen to the scent of human blood, howcan they go to school around girls on their periods? 
Twihard: Just shut up, OK!!! You're such a Twilight Buzzkill!

I would like to raise my hand and let you know I have had a Twilight buzzkill experience or two... but not in the way that the author of the above was thinking. More in the "holy crap I just want to keep reading but it's 3am and I really need to go to work and be a professional human being tomorrow."

Twilightdenial

A personwho despite denying that they hate Twilight, the books, the movie, the actorsetc... They are in complete love with it, and Twilight memorabilia can be foundhidden in their homes.

I included this one because, in the beginning, I was a denier. Now? Hell no, out and proud! I display  all  most of my memorabilia openly... sure I do...

Twilightfucked

The frameof mind a fan of the Twilight Saga will get after watching a Twilight movie, orreading one of the four books. This usually involves talking/thinking about itnonstop, dreams of vampires or werewolves, and (in rare cases), online fanfiction stories.

Only one comment here: RARE cases? Umm, nope.

 TwilightMasturbation

When agirl or woman proceeds to masturbate and sexually reach an all time high(moan), due to the appearance and/or voice of Edward Cullen and Jacob Black.

No comment required, methinks.

And the award for the most random UD posting about Twilight goes to....

Twilightmoist

Vaginalwetness that results from watching a twilight movie or reading a twilight book.

...or fan fiction lemon.

I look forward to your take on the above. Have at it* in the comments:

*Look! I learned an American phrase! Yay me.

Lazy Sunday Fic Recs Galore!

There's been a lot of talk of fan fiction in the twiverse this weekend. Yesterday we had one of the greatest hashtags I've seen in a while... #FicMoments. There was much reminiscing and also lots of fics I haven't read that I quickly added to my to-do list.

I've done a few rec posts on this blog before. If you are interested, go back and check out these posts from October, February and April. 

Jaymes over at Borderline Phenomenal also posted about fic last night, and I've read some awesome stuff lately, so thought I'd share some recs...

Running for Home
Ooza
B/E/Volvo (!), AH

After a lifetime of feeling out of place, Edward is told his entire past was a fabrication. On his journey to uncover the truth he meets Bella, a young woman who is neglecting all responsibility for the first time in her life. Will these two strangers help each other discover who they really are?

I loved this... light and relatively short. I guess I could also picture it, since it's not long since I was driving in the states and staying in motels. This Edward is so precious about his car, it's hilarious!

A Constant in the Darkness
Camoozle (Author of For the Summer)
B/E, AH  

Bella, suffering from an eating disorder, returns to Forks to care for her estranged father. She seeks comfort in Edward, an aspiring chef, who is having difficulty dealing with his own demons.

This fic OWNED me while I was reading it. Quite angsty but so, so good. Although I did want to shake Bella!

Dear Mr Masen
JenDonna
B/E, AH

"Error 434: Reprimanding an executive." Life changing or just stupid? Dear Mr. Masen: A story of unauthorized Internet usage, culinary delights and the goings-on at Cullen, Inc.

This is mainly written in emails exchanged between our two main characters. Lots of fun, and a good slow burn.

The Exclusive
MrsAubergine
B/E, AH  

Edward Masen is a gorgeous politician about to become prime minister of New Zealand. Everybody loves him, but behind the public persona he has a secret desire. Political journalist Bella Swan is determined to find out what it is.

I was sent this rec because of the NZ link. It's really cute! And was great for me because I could picture so many of the places. Quick and fun.

Vinyl
107 YearOldVirgin
E/B, AH

Its just another day at Vinyl Records Store: Fun. Uncomplicated. Just like having sex with your best friend, and coworker, should be. At least, that's what Bella and Edward are hoping. The rest of the employees, on the other hand...

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a total h00r for anything Amber writes. This is no exception - Empire Records x Twilight? Yes please! Fun, quick and dirty. Love.

Show Me a Garden That's Bursting Into Life
atypical-swan
E/J -> E/J/B eventually, AH

Isolated and unable to trust people, Dr Jasper Whitlock finds himself in Forks, WA, taking on yet another temporary teaching position at a boarding school. He meets the enigmatic yet troubled music teacher Edward Cullen and his group of friends and family. Will they be enough to teach Jasper to live again? To love?

I have spoken before about my curiousity for polyfic and this story sated me.. for a while! A great slow burn, that starts with E&J and eventually Bella comes into the picture. A long fic, but a GREAT fic. Truly worth the time it takes. Also made me appreciate the awesomeness that is E/J... 

Twinned
Conversed
E/J, AH

Edward and Masen Cullen look identical, but mistake them at your peril. Watch as their carefully constructed world falls apart when they meet the new girl in town. There's slash-lite, het-smut and Jasper having shower sex with y'all.

After Show Me a Garden, I decided I was ready to test the waters of slash. @17ForeverLisa is always talking about Twinned and it's sequel, Seventeen Men. I am halfway through Twinned and I am loving it so far... if you're slash curious, give it a go! This Jasper is one of my all time favourites.

There you go, should give you a little more to be going on with!

Oh, and in other fic news....

We've been talking alot about the HunterHunting fics today, Clipped Wings & Inked Armour and the Misapprehension of Bella Swan. LOVED both of these, and I recently reread CW&IA. @LuvsMeSumEdward shared this pic today.... so thank her for the jaw-dropping, panty melting goodness... Tattward owns me!

ALSO... did you hear that Emancipation Proclamation is being published? It's going to be called Sempre. Love the title, how appropriate! Khar says this on her website: 

While the general plotline is still the same, the book is significantly different.  It was rewritten from the beginning to put it in its own world, so to speak, so please don't pick it up thinking it's simply EP-with-names-changed in print, because it's not.  It's much more (in *gasp* significantly fewer words).

I. Can't. Wait.

That's all I got for now, tweeps. Feel free to leave recs or your feelings about fics in the comments.

It's Starting to Feel a Lot Like Christmas

That's right! The sun is shining, the temperature is warming up and summer holidays are looming...

Pohutukawa trees flower in summer and are known as kiwi Christmas trees

Oh wait. I'm sorry... that's just for the benefit of my downunder peeps...

The Kiwis: @SparklyJulNZ, @Eds_Piano, @VamptheNewBlack and @CasperNZ; The Aussies: @EdwardsIsobel, @StackedlikeSookie, @Anna_Faze et al... and of course there's my favourite South African, @NixHaw.

Disclaimer: If I missed any other Southern Hemisphere tweeps I sincerely apologise 

Thanks @SuzPetals for the festive touches

You might remember last Christmas I told you a wee bit more about how we do Christmas here, since it is so different to the festivities in the Northern winter. Well, this year, I have a few little touches of North America on my tree, and I thought I would share them with you all - and the memories they bring back for me.

Memories of fun times in SoCal w Jen & Sarah

Vegas, baby! Cocktails with Rikki

Monterey was gorgeous

Fun times in San Fran

A grapevine leaf from Napa with Charla,  Kate, Jamie, Amanda & Sharon

WA! Had a great time w Lesa, ChyLynn, Amy & Erin et al

From Mecca itself!

A special gift from @TwiPolar_Wife

I loved Vancouver, no bears on our twi-set tour though

My final stop, Vancouver Island with Deb

Oh, and I know someone else who wanted his two cents worth...

Thanks so much for the outfit, Deb!

I don't know about you guys, but I'd rather read fic, hang on twitter and read blogs than go shopping. So, this weekend is internet shopping central right here! I hate Christmas shopping with a passion, and every year I swear I'll do it early... and every year I don't.

How are your Christmas preparations going?