I hope you all had a lovely Christmas. Before I get into this post, may I say that Christmas in the summer sun here was wonderful, made all the better by all the lovely twitter messages from my twifriends with festive wishes.
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| Random abstract xmas ornament on the windowsill |
I was going to write a post about my summer holidays, but I couldn't be bothered. I got distracted. And no, not by the lovely pressies that were under the tree for me... but by the random time-suck vortex that is UrbanDictionary.com. You see, ever since I have owned an iPad, it's amazing how I can spend hours just mucking around on the internet... for no apparent reason and for no apparent gain.
So, if you're back at work, or still on holiday and have plenty of time on your hands, sit back and check out a few of the highlights I found... oh, and my two cents worth about each. I now present to you some of the funniest (and, quite frankly, a little close to home) Twilight-related posts from UD:
Twilight Saga
Afreakishly addicting book (stolen from a fan fic site) written by a strangemiddle aged woman who created this character named Edward who sparkles in thesun light, instead of bursting into flame like normal vampires. Then there’shis (stupid and pathetically clumsy) girlfriend, Bella (who's a whore) whofalls in love with her BFF Jake then rejects him because he's not like Edward.And he's a werewolf so Edward hates him. Then she gets knocked up by Edward andthey make a baby (that wants to kill her). After having Renesmee (a name thatwas created using a mormon thing where the names of both grandparents arecombined) Bella dies and becomes a vampy. Then come to find out Jacob fallsmadly in love with Renesmee (which makes him a baby fucking paedophile) andBella gets pissed. To makes a long, 4 book, story short, the Cullens have this big war that neverhappens against the (old wrinkly leader people) Volturi and they all end uploving (the evil little Mormon critter) and everyone lives happily ever after(forever and ever and ever).
My favourite thing about this little synopsis is "stolen from a fan fic site"...
Twitard
One who takes fandom of Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer, to a level of orbeyond obsession. They often flame forum postings trying to defend the book,regardless whether the book was being critiqued negatively or not. They arealso prone to using all caps, not checking their spelling/grammar, jumping toconclusions, falling in love with Edward, and biting people's heads of for justsaying they didn't like the book.
Harsh... but in some cases possibly fair? I would like to defend my corner of the fandom about spelling and grammar... especially given how heavily I had to spellcheck the above paragraph after pulling it from the site! Touche...
TwilightMom
A groupof 40 something pre-menopausal women who have been neglecting their children,spouses, jobs, and various pets since 2008 to post their ramblings about adazzling 107 year old vampire who who is stuck in an eternal hell of highschool and the clumsy, idiotic girl who loves him.
The reason I wanted to include this is that I think this definition also covers those of us without children or spouses... or guilt. Hell yeah I neglect RL to post ramblings (such as the one you are currently reading) and hell no I don't feel bad about it.
TwilightBuzzkill
A harshslap in the face to bring a person back to reality, to get out of Twi-Land.Usually a person has to tell the Twihard to get a life, and thatusually does the trick.
Twihard: I wish I was a vampire! Golly!
Twibuzzkiller: Are you kidding? There are so many things wrong with the book! Imean, first off, If the Cullens are so keen to the scent of human blood, howcan they go to school around girls on their periods?
Twihard: Just shut up, OK!!! You're such a Twilight Buzzkill!
Twibuzzkiller: Are you kidding? There are so many things wrong with the book! Imean, first off, If the Cullens are so keen to the scent of human blood, howcan they go to school around girls on their periods?
Twihard: Just shut up, OK!!! You're such a Twilight Buzzkill!
I would like to raise my hand and let you know I have had a Twilight buzzkill experience or two... but not in the way that the author of the above was thinking. More in the "holy crap I just want to keep reading but it's 3am and I really need to go to work and be a professional human being tomorrow."
Twilightdenial
A personwho despite denying that they hate Twilight, the books, the movie, the actorsetc... They are in complete love with it, and Twilight memorabilia can be foundhidden in their homes.
I included this one because, in the beginning, I was a denier. Now? Hell no, out and proud! I display all most of my memorabilia openly... sure I do...
Twilightfucked
The frameof mind a fan of the Twilight Saga will get after watching a Twilight movie, orreading one of the four books. This usually involves talking/thinking about itnonstop, dreams of vampires or werewolves, and (in rare cases), online fanfiction stories.
Only one comment here: RARE cases? Umm, nope.
TwilightMasturbation
When agirl or woman proceeds to masturbate and sexually reach an all time high(moan), due to the appearance and/or voice of Edward Cullen and Jacob Black.
No comment required, methinks.
And the award for the most random UD posting about Twilight goes to....
Twilightmoist
Vaginalwetness that results from watching a twilight movie or reading a twilight book.
...or fan fiction lemon.
I look forward to your take on the above. Have at it* in the comments:
*Look! I learned an American phrase! Yay me.
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